


The Milkman is Evil

by ThroughtheMirrorDarkly



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Family, Family Feels, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 11:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15436179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThroughtheMirrorDarkly/pseuds/ThroughtheMirrorDarkly
Summary: Edward Elric imparts some important wisdom to his son, or would if Winry would quit throwing wrenches at his head.





	The Milkman is Evil

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Fullmetal Alchemist. This is just to challenge myself as a writer, nothing else.  
> Summary: Edward Elric imparts some important wisdom to his son, or would if Winry would quit throwing wrenches at his head.  
> Pairing: Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell  
> Prompt: “I don’t know what your teacher told you, but milk isn’t real.”

* * *

The Milk Man is Evil 

By ThroughtheMirrorDarkly

* * *

There were moments in every parents’ life where they had to teach their child the dangers of the world, and prepare them the best they could in order to handle whatever they may face. Edward Elric stared at his son’s cherub shaped face—the golden eyes identical to his own and his hair the same color as his mother’s—he wished that he didn’t have to crush the naivety there. Children should be able to be children for as long as possible, but since the school had subjected his son to horrors, Edward now had to teach his son a hard lesson. “Henrick,” he spoke, placing both hands on his son’s shoulders as he knelt down to be on eye level with the child, “I don’t know what your teacher has told you, but milk isn’t real.” 

Behind him, Edward missed the way his wife, Winry, choked and her left eye twitched. 

“But then what does the milkman bring us every Sunday?” Henrick Elric asked, his baby features contorted into a confused pout. 

“The milkman is evil and—ahh!” Edward barely dodged the wrench that went flying at his head, and he whipped around to look at his wife with wild look of panic on his face. “Why did you just throw that at me?!” 

“You are not filling our son’s head with that nonsense!” 

“It’s not nonsense!” 

“Just because you didn’t drink milk and now are short—” 

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE HAS TO BE SEEN WITH A MICROSCOPE!” 

“—doesn’t mean you are going to give your son the same aversion milk that you’ve had all your life,” Winry stated, with a hand on her hip and another wrench—where does she keep getting those?—in her hand and waved it at him warningly. “I mean it, Edward. If you put another thought in his head about the evils of milk, you will be sleeping outside with the dog.” 

The family dog, Howler, paused mid eating, and looked up at her with a questioning whine. 

Edward fumed, pouting—which looked a lot like his son’s—and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine. Whatever.” 

Winry smiled, brightly. “Good.” 

After she turned away, Edward turned back to their son and said, “Well, since we can’t talk about milk since it’s protected under Winry’s Law—” he shot his wife a mutinous glance, as if he had been personally betrayed by her doing that, “—I can, at least, warn you about the greatest evil of all.” 

Henrick looked at him, with wide eyes. “What is that?” 

“Cats.” 

A wrench flew through the air and struck Edward upside the head, sending him sprawled out on the ground in pain. “What the hell?” He demanded, groaning and grasping at his head where a sizable knot began to grow. 

“Language!” Winry stomped towards him. 

“What is wrong with you? Throwing wrenches at me!” 

“What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you? Why are you trying to ruin your son’s childhood?” His wife snapped at him. 

“I’m not ruining his childhood!” Edward glared. 

“He likes cats!” 

“Only because he has been deceived by their sneaky feline wiles!” 

Henrick stared at his parents, deeming them strange before he and Howler went outside to leave his parents to their squabble. He would go visit with Uncle Alphonse, and ask him about milk and cats. While he loved his daddy, Uncle Al was a lot smarter. 

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> END OF PROMPT!  
> As soon as I read the prompt, “I don’t know what your teacher told you, but milk isn’t real,” I immediately said, “Edward Elric.” There was no other fandom that this prompt would work better with. It was perfect, and this is what I wrote up. Lol  
> Comment and leave kudos if you liked!   
> PS. If you like these prompts, check out my “Prompt Playground” story and my other stories!


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